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10 Things I’ll Tell My Daughter About Sex*

20 May

1. Guys aren’t the only way to feel good. Try a vibrator before a boy.

2. But hey, girls can’t get you pregnant. Wink, wink.

3. Yes, I will take you to get birth control if and when you decide to have sex. In fact, maybe you should start taking it now. No, you don’t have to hide it from me. You should probably just take it along with your daily vitamin. I won’t make any awkward jokes.

4. Yes, I will purchase condoms for you, though you can go get some free ones from Planned Parenthood. I think Abercrombie sells them too. I know because I remember the parental outrage.

5. Here is my credit card. Here is www.tryavibratorinsteadofaboy.com**.

6. You can get pregnant during any hetero+vaginal intercourse. Even on your period. Even standing up. Even if you pray real hard.

7. Pregnancy is not the worst thing sex can bring. So don’t skip a condom just because you’re on birth control.

8. If you get pregnant, how to proceed will be your choice. Abortion is perfectly okay. Adoption is perfectly okay. Keeping the baby is perfectly okay.

9. Don’t base sex just on love. Base it on whether or not you’re ready to deal with the complications it brings into your life. A feeling of love is worth bullshit when compared to readiness and responsibility.

10. Have fun. If you’re not having fun, say no. It’s not worth doing it just to please someone else.

*I will probably be less snarky when I tell her these things.

**Unfortunately, this isn’t a real web site.