10 Things I’ll Tell My Daughter About Sex*

1. Guys aren’t the only way to feel good. Try a vibrator before a boy.

2. But hey, girls can’t get you pregnant. Wink, wink.

3. Yes, I will take you to get birth control if and when you decide to have sex. In fact, maybe you should start taking it now. No, you don’t have to hide it from me. You should probably just take it along with your daily vitamin. I won’t make any awkward jokes.

4. Yes, I will purchase condoms for you, though you can go get some free ones from Planned Parenthood. I think Abercrombie sells them too. I know because I remember the parental outrage.

5. Here is my credit card. Here is www.tryavibratorinsteadofaboy.com**.

6. You can get pregnant during any hetero+vaginal intercourse. Even on your period. Even standing up. Even if you pray real hard.

7. Pregnancy is not the worst thing sex can bring. So don’t skip a condom just because you’re on birth control.

8. If you get pregnant, how to proceed will be your choice. Abortion is perfectly okay. Adoption is perfectly okay. Keeping the baby is perfectly okay.

9. Don’t base sex just on love. Base it on whether or not you’re ready to deal with the complications it brings into your life. A feeling of love is worth bullshit when compared to readiness and responsibility.

10. Have fun. If you’re not having fun, say no. It’s not worth doing it just to please someone else.

*I will probably be less snarky when I tell her these things.

**Unfortunately, this isn’t a real web site.

Teen Girls’ Birth Control Often Sabotaged

You know how people who are really disgusted by teen moms often say that we’re morons who should know more about birth control? Well, aside from the facts that a) many schools’ sex education is purely abstinence only and b) even mature adults have surprise pregnancies, a new study provides another reason those who judge might want to shut their traps:

Young women and teenage girls often face efforts by male partners to sabotage their birth control or coerce or pressure them to become pregnant — including by damaging condoms and destroying contraceptives. These behaviors, defined as “reproductive coercion,” are often associated with physical or sexual violence.

Conducted by the Family Violence Prevention Fund, this study turns the “She got pregnant to trap me,” trope on its head. Though it doesn’t apply to all teen moms, it probably applies to many of us who don’t even realize it’s the case. It’s shocking and tremendously important for girls and women to know that this can happen to them and for societal as a whole to recognize this as the form of domestic violence it truly is.